past the deadline

So I have decided to miss the deadline today for the fem glossary. It's either i had rushed it yesterday, grind through the terminologies and hand it in today...I should have done that. I went to sleep instead and dealt with it today thinking I might be able to do a better job. Problem is, I don't seem to care too much about it or I am numb from panicking. I don't know what it is. I will hand it on Friday morning at 10:00 though. Finish it off b/c it is for a grade. I had lost 2%. 20 terminologies and i have roughy 12 done so 6 more to go. This assignment is draining and I know I should have started earlier. I planned on starting earlier but it never happened. My schedule is insanely packed that I don't know where time has gone. And I could only handle one thing at a time. But today, all i want to do is forget about this assignment and sleep. Something is unsettling---like a form of depression...isolation...disenchantment. The thought of the iron cage keeps creeping back to mind...Why am I doing all of this?!?!! I can't wait to go to Montreal! I feel so alienated here. I don't think I could handle another semester with this mindframe.

Feeling incredibly WEAK...and thoughts of calling him to reassure my strength. I don't like the way I am writing right now. I don't like the way my mind is thinking right now. It is dazed...lost...I feel like throwing up. What do i have to do to get through this? How do I avoid ever doing this to myself again? Ugh. Such mundane-ness.

I have a dinner date tomorrow which I'm really excited for. I know it's going to be fun--it always is.

Up at 4:00am

I want to look back on these days and wonder how the fuck i let me do this to myself. If I come out of this alive tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday I will be forever grateful. 12 page essay due Monday and I'm about two pages in. Econ Assignment and Fem reading on Tuesday. A fem glossary due the Thursday after. I can't wait for this semester to be over. I can't wait to escape to Montreal and this school business gets left behind for a year. This means I have to start planning very soon. But I don't seem to be able to catch a break. Where has time gone to?

Goals For Montreal

Planning starts April 24
Have all of May to plan and book tickets

May 2009 or June 2009 Summer
Fall
Winter---ughhh
Summer 2010
Back? ... before second semester of summer school


1) Find a place to dwell (300-600 a month 3600--7200 a year)
2) Find a job (30hours a week 10-12/hour about 1200 a month)

Learn French (be comfortable to have conversations in french)

Sleep Better! (sleep before 11:00)
Cook for myself
Readings--